I lost count of the times I meet a womxn and think "she looks so strong" to later see her come with watery eyes and says "can I talk to you?" - And how many times I've been that womxn, I also lost count. There's something so wildly beautiful about crying in the arms of a total stranger.
Sasha is the first womxn I connect deeply while traveling alone.
Why do we as womxn have such a hard time caring for ourselves when we're taking care of someone else? (If this is not you, congrats, can't relate).
Sasha found out her boyfriend had been cheating on her with multiple womxn the night after we met. Long story short my fascination for Latin American men lead me to her one night in Pushkar, India. She had this look in her eyes that said she'd been through hell and back a couple of rounds. She was also Russian, which almost always gives away that vibe.
She came to India by herself two years ago because she wanted to travel alone. In her words, she came running away from a relationship, and as soon as she arrived she met this Indian guy who now is her ex boyfriend.
Tom read me this quote that said that no matter how fast or far you run away from your problems, if you go to the other side of the world trying to escape them, they will be waiting for you there, too. And in this case it feels extremely literal. And it hits too close to home hearing all these womxn having problems with "always being in a relationship".
Shit – how many times I've ran to the other side of the world only to be in the same position as soon as I arrive.
I think that constantly feeling like you want to explore life on your own no matter how in love you are, is a symptom of loosing yourself in your relationship. And that itself is a symptom of not being ready for one.
Conclusion of these days: having the space to explore how you feel alone, as an individual inside of your relationship is the only way to sustain it.
Self-involvement. New term for the RAM.
I felt so much for this girl. It felt like looking at a //broken// mirror in a beautiful, vulnerable way. I wanted her to come to Jodhpur with me – not only because I enjoyed her company, but because her situation was fucked. The Russia situation, the boyfriend situation. I wanted her to be ok. But the only way for her to break a pattern and face what she's been running away from was to face it by herself. I was going to interrupt that breakthrough moment and I think I'm also going through mine.
It was tacit, we both cried when we said goodbye because we knew it. We knew that patterns don't break themselves.