There's a fine line between making your blog an open journal and guess what, I'm flirting with that line.
Today I woke up wanting to write an article on the benefits of cold plunges for productivity and mental focus, but fuck that. I couldn't stop the mental journaling.
Life feels like a cold plunge lately anyways. Uncomfortable, but promising future (emotional) resilience.
Here's a writeup on other type of plunges.
As the image of my true Self becomes clearer in my mind – and more precious – I feel less afraid that someone else erases it, and re-draws it to their convenience.
I re-drew my Self into a more permanent me, less exposed to cross-contamination of alien thoughts. Still crystal-like and see through, but less penetrable.
Slowly, surely I feel less afraid to merge with someone else because I myself am becoming unmergeable. Unmaleable. Will not melt at high temperatures. Self Matter; feeling solid for once.
I feel less apocalyptic when it comes to love (life?). I violently plunged and swam through tsunamis of feeling too intensely, and sank attempting to seek numbness. I crawled back to the shore gasping for air, with the hopes that I don't explode with the touch of someone's hand.
I've decided to swim away from cyclone-like mental discordia. Drowning every single time I dive into deep waters is damaging.
Overall, I feel less afraid.
And I guess that's a beautiful thing, with it's own set of complications.