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Unsolicited feelings and some new mental sketches of my less pixelated Self

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Freedom  ✺  Travelogue

Hello darkness my old friend!

There's a fine line between making your blog an open journal and guess what, I'm flirting with that line.

Mood:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Today I woke up wanting to write an article on the benefits of cold plunges for productivity and mental focus, but fuck that. I couldn't stop the mental journaling.

Life feels like a cold plunge lately anyways. Uncomfortable, but promising future (emotional) resilience.

Here's a writeup on other type of plunges.

As the image of my true Self becomes clearer in my mind – and more precious – I feel less afraid that someone else erases it, and re-draws it to their convenience.

I re-drew my Self into a more permanent me, less exposed to cross-contamination of alien thoughts. Still crystal-like and see through, but less penetrable.

Slowly, surely I feel less afraid to merge with someone else because I myself am becoming unmergeable. Unmaleable. Will not melt at high temperatures. Self Matter; feeling solid for once.

I feel less apocalyptic when it comes to love (life?). I violently plunged and swam through tsunamis of feeling too intensely, and sank attempting to seek numbness. I crawled back to the shore gasping for air, with the hopes that I don't explode with the touch of someone's hand.

I've decided to swim away from cyclone-like mental discordia. Drowning every single time I dive into deep waters is damaging.

Overall, I feel less afraid.

And I guess that's a beautiful thing, with it's own set of complications.


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